It is very difficult to learn not to give advice to people, specially ones childre. I am making progress.

daughters

It is a long time since I posted on this blog.
When they showed me my new -born daughter, I was in pain and the anasthesia had left me fuzzy and depressed. The first thought that came to me was "Oh my god, she too will have to bear this pain" and for that reason, wished she had been a boy.
Maybe mothers are a little tough on their daughters as they want to toughen her up for the painful experiences that she will have to go through. I don't mean that men do not have painful experiences, but in addition to the experiences that all human beings have, most women have a few more of the unpleasant kind.

There can be no end to what you wish to achieve. In the race to achieve her ambition, what if she misses the simple pleasures of life? After all those are the real pleasures....watching the evening sky redden, walking in the drizzle. What if ambition leaves no time for that.
Then when she achieves whatever she aims to, what if that is not enough?
I am apprehensive.

advantages of growing older, or of not being a young woman

There was a feeling of freedom that I felt when I first realised I was not a young woman anymore. I must have been around 40, when shopkeepers started addressing me as "amma". Initially, I was taken aback....who is the old lady they were talking to? But later, I realised that I can pick up conversation with autorickshaw drivers, chat with shopkeepers, address strange men to ask for directions..... When young, I could never have done any of those things. It opened up a lot of this world's small, but interesting experiences....I had nice chats with autorickshaw drivers, long chats with shopkeepers, gave advice to random young men....
That is the reason that in my middle age, I felt liberated and a strong sense of well-being. It is worth the knee pain and swollen ankles, it is worth not being able to run up the staircase, and it is worth not being able to digest rich spicy food.

My younger years went by in this feeling of having nothing to look forward to. Then for a few years, in my middle age, I had this great sense of well being. Now again I am back in my dumps......life has been quite good..there are so many people with real sorrows, real afflictions...I have none. Be grateful and enjoy what you have.

empty nest

The things that you read about, which happen to people, actually happen to you too! Surprise!!!!
One reads about the empty nest syndrome. I thought " It's hyped up. Ok it is sad to have your kids away, but think of what all you can do instead of making hourly tea for son and arguing with daughter about eating right" But "they" are right. It is terribly depressing. I find myself in tears for no reason. Last year, I was away in the beautiful hills, enjoying my long vacation and I didnt feel a thing, but now that I am back in my house, it is really painful. I am surprised.
In India, married couples of my generation and older, do not have any common interests except the children. Take the children out of the equation, you are left with nothing. I am glad to see that the younger couples, even my younger brothers and cousins, have a more sharing kind of marriage. We also gave up good careers to take care of the kids, since daycare was pathetic in those days. So now, no career, no one to talk to, nothing.... But this has happened all along...my mother's generation, and older women all managed, so why can I not? I am sure I too will manage.

dying

I seem to have this blog. Nowadays I think a lot about my old age since my parents are staying with me. It really scares me that I may become dependent on others. My father is undergoing the mental distress of not being able to go and do what he wants to... he has to depend on others. Still, he is lucky that he is fairly fit for his age-86- and that I do things for him most of the times.
I hope I die before I become incapable of doing my own work.

learning how to live

You learn how to live your youth when you are 50, and perhaps you learn how to age well when you are past 80.
We learn everything too late.
I think I am learning how to be happy with the life that I am living...it's a good life by any yardstick. But then, being happy or unhappy has got nothing to do with whether your life is good or not. There are miserable people who have enviable lives and happy people living in not-very-good circumstances.
Being happy, barring tragedies, is only in the mind..nothing to do with the outside world or the people therein.

The regular holidays we have nowadays due to the numerous bandhs are being wasted. i am not doing much in these days. That is the cause of all my problems in life....not making use of time

Nowadays I miss my children more than ever. Surprising. I had got used to not having kids around and was enjoying my leisure. It is not good when children move away. But good for the children though.

I thought I had learnt to control my speech. i still say things that I had resolved not to say. But I must say I have improved a lot.
If we lack control on our thoughts and actions, how can we control anything in this world?

A test post ot learn how to link.
Science and women

blogland

There is an interesting concept....someone has put up a blogland with street addresses. You can occupy any available address and then "live" there...you can chat with your neighbours, connect them to your blog ... and all for "middle aged ladies". Interesting!

time

Growing older is so definite. When young, we feel we will be young forever, but past 45, old age is visible there in the horizon...that's when I really truly realised that time moves in only one direction. But later, I am coming to believe maybe it doesn't....maybe, we just dont perceive backwards movement of time. ...

nilgiris

It is sad to see the devastation in the Nilgiris.
http://www.hindu.com/2009/11/12/stories/2009111250160100.htm

http://wownilgiris.blogspot.com/

Our hills and coasts are the most vulnerable to the climate change we see. Life is unfair .
The climate change caused by the industrialised countries in the last 200 years is hitting us now.

coming back

Coming back after a long time, what makes me write is the realisation that great minds start working at an early age and need to be nurtured, not by others, but by the person himself/herslf.
I have always felt that our schools do not nurture the thinking child. That is true for most children. But a truly great mind, the real genius, does not need nurturing from outside. The person somehow finds ways to whet his own curiosity and ways to improve his skills. I obviously won't know how, but that it happens, I am sure. This is because they go to the same schools, same colleges as others who end up as bank clerks or office managers, but go on to do Nobel work.

http://reflections-shivanand.blogspot.com/2009/10/missed-physics-nobel-2009-narendra.html
A boy gets his path breaking idea in school, sticks to it through college, and ends up working on it for his PhD, and gives teh world a miracle.....light through a pipeline!!
Such minds do not need the school physics teacher, or the incompetent college lecturer!!

monsoon

May & June were bad, hot and dusty. But July was really horrible. The unfulfilled promise of rain can be borne for about a month so June was bearable, but when the dry days go into July, it starts to become scary and unbearable. Thankfully mid August brought a good spell of rain. It's still raining. This city gets wonderful in the monsoon....cool and just wet enough.
What amazes me is the clockwork precision that the monsoon has under normal circumstances(and we have destroyed that). It reaches Delhi on the 29th june. One year long ago, on the 29th june, I was standing at the 6th floor window of my lab. I could see the smoke stack of the Badarpur thermal palnt and a huge black mass of cloud advancing slowly from the southerly direction....a HUGE bank of black clouds in one single mass.
It was awe inspiring. The rains broke in two hours and my way home was knee deep in water.
Another monsoon few years back, I was driving out to buy my grocery, when I saw a similar black mass advancing. It was amazing...I drove along and was in the downpour within a few minutes....the sight is truly awesome.....clear blue summer sky bordered by black cloud mass stretching endlessly.
The most awesome rain, though it was not monsoon time, was the day I was at a beach all alone...one lone crab catcher in the distance and a storm brewing on the Bay of Bengal. The sight was fascinating and frighteneing. I was about 12 and I truly felt the power of nature. Storm on the sea is absolute power-display. If ever God wanted to teach a human being that He is powerful, he just has to show him a thunder storm on a sea. I wonder how sailors don't cower in their bunks when a storm comes up during their voyage...sailors are truly brave.

sad to be leaving

It is sad that I have to leave this place and go to the heat and dust and traffic of the city -that too in May,when it is at its worst.

It was a wonderful interlude, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I had lived in the hills in my childhood and loved it . So, it had been my dream that I would spend at least a year in the hills again. This interlude has been a dream come true.

Nowadays there is a lot written about people neglecting old people. It is truly painful
Few years back, a lot was written about harrased brides...mothers-in-law harrassing young women for dowry. That is also painful
Now put the two together. A woman harasses her daughter-in-law when she comes newly wed into the household.
But when old, this same woman has to be looked after by the now middle aged, but the same,daughter-in-law. Are you surprised, she does not get much loving kindness?

I would like my old age to be:

I would like it to be like the sunset pictured below.

Beautiful, bright enough but not the glaring brightness of the midday sky.

Giving happiness to those around.

Fading quickly..not lingering on.